6 Techniques to Conquer Conflict
- cfsregina160
- Oct 6, 2014
- 2 min read
6 Techniques to Conquer Conflict
By Allen Fay
You want to stop conflict but just don’t know what to do anymore? Don’t worry. We will be posting six proven techniques to help you over the next few weeks. Below is the first one:
Technique # 1: Tape Recorder
In working with couples, I have found the best monitoring technique to be the tape recorder. If you don’t own one, I urge you to buy one. It may be the best investment you’ll ever make in your relationship. Whenever you are together, keep a small recorder handy. If your interaction is stormy, keep the machine running most of the time. If major conflicts arise only when discussing certain subjects, turn the machine on when these issues come up. If specific locations or times of day are particularly difficult, use it in those situations and at those times. If communication breakdowns occur periodically, without warning, one of you may have the presence of mind to switch the machine on. Make sure that both of you agree to do this exercise. There are few things more destructive than turning the recorder on without your partner’s consent in order to get the goods on them.
A tape recorder serves two basic purposes:
Use it as a control mechanism. It is as if someone else is listening. You are less apt to be destructive if you know that the machine is on, especially if the material is to be shared with a therapist or other person. Sometimes a patient will say, “It won’t work. They’ll just be on their good behavior.” My answer is, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful that we had found a way to prevent destructiveness?”
Use the tape for later study. By listening to the tape afterwards, you become more aware of your own style and can see the traps you are involved in. The advantage of having a taped record of the conversation is that you can listen when you are in a calmer and more rational frame of mind. Useful learning is rarely accomplished in the heat of the moment, and later memories are usually distorted.
Again, it is important to listen to the tape in order to learn how to improve your style. On the other hand, if your partner asks you to point things out about them, then by all means do so. However, the best results are achieved by focusing primarily on yourself.
There is no better way to make yourself aware of what you’re doing than by listening to a tape.
Comments