Keeping a Healthy Perspective during Christmas

This advise still applies to other holidays that we may feel stressed at and about keeping a good perspective at all times of year...

We are in that build up time to Christmas and many of us feel a very uncomfortable pressure because it is not going as well as we would like. This is a symptom of loosing perspective and it may be related to an issue about money, time and expectations.

Overspending at Christmas leads to long-term stress when we run out of cash before the end of the month and when the credit card bills start arriving. It is easy to get carried away with the desire to make everyone happy with presents, food and special activities. We lose sight the Spirit of Christmas in all the planning and buying. The heart of Christmas is Love and closeness. A gift is to be a symbol of affection and closeness. In the act of giving we open the door to be loving, caring and closer to the recipient. The gift doesn’t do this – it is the act of giving that does. A gift may surprise us - for the good or ill, but it doesn’t actually cause happiness. Expressing love and drawing close in our relationship is what causes happiness. So the perfect gift is not what you are wrapping but the gaze of your eyes, the smile on your face, the warmth of your heart reaching out to the other - this is the perfect gift. How much we spend is not a true measure of love and closeness although the time and effort we put into choosing a gift the person may appreciate is an indication of the measure of closeness.

So how do we move out of this trap? By keeping in mind Christmas is about love and close relationships. Take a look at your gift list again and ask yourself will this gift be appreciated? Will this gift be a sign of my affection and closeness? Even pausing a moment may help to curb impulsive buying and extravagant gifts in favor of more creative ways of expressing thoughtfulness, affection and closeness.

Not having cash to spend at Christmas can also be a major source of stress. Although we may feel it’s a personal fault to not have cash available for presents, food and events at Christmas, the fact is this has always been a reality for the majority of people over the ages. The writings of Dickens and O’Henry during the 1800’s revealed a time of great poverty in the industrializing nations. Their messages spoken to those who have, was to take the initiative to share and for those who do not have enough, to remember Christmas is about love and closeness. Thank goodness there are many good organizations that rally those who have more to share by providing Christmas meals, hampers and presents for children. But for those who do not qualify for these supports, there still is the sinking feeling of letting down those who matter. I often wondered if Joseph of the Christmas scene had this same sense of letting down those who matter, after all, he could not find a decent place for Mary to give birth. We sometimes forget that the story of Christmas was one of love and closeness in a scene of poverty and displacement. The Spirit of Christmas can be found in tough circumstances through simple meals, story-telling, playing a game together, holding hands during a movie and small acts of kindness.

Just as stressful is the issue of time during Christmas – too little time to do it all or too much time on our hands alone. It seems the more our technology has advanced, the more we squeeze in to accomplish. For many of us this translates into trying to outdo our past record of successes or failures to get it all done. The result is a misplaced focus of energy to the tasks rather than the relationships we most deeply care about. The list of parties, baking, cooking, gift buying may just get away on us and we need to stop, re-evaluate what is doable, and scale down. Remember the heart of Christmas is Love and closeness. If those we love feel ignored because we are trying too hard to accomplish the list of tasks and make the perfect Christmas, it is unlikely they will experience the closeness and affection we were hoping to bring by doing so much. You don’t convey the spirit of Christmas by doing it all or making everyone happy. The happiness comes from taking time to be there with them, listening, laughing, and sharing life together.

For many who are isolated due to sickness, immobility, distance from family or loss of family, Christmas can be a struggle. People berate themselves for not being happy during Christmas because of their circumstances. The misperception is that Christmas is about happiness. It may be true that the sadness we are experiencing is related to not being able to be close to someone we love. Many of us who have had a family death before Christmas can attest to this. But withdrawing is not the answer. Take the chance to call someone on the telephone or the internet to talk about your experience of missing your family member and then start telling stories of them. Your love for them is still there and your past closeness will be become present again. Take the chance to go out where people are and be willing to meet new people. It is really hard to ignore someone with a smile, a Christmas greeting on their lips and who may be offering little kindnesses. The old adage to do something for someone else works at any age and anywhere.

#christmasstressors #healthyperspective